my life,

I suddenly realised I'm lonely. I studied everyday, did my usual stuff s everyday, but, what am I really wanting to achieve? I myself also don't know. Getting a cool and good career in future? Scoring my 'O' levels? Earning big bucks? Marrying to a handsome, rich man? I realised I'm not into these. I'm seeking for a peaceful life, I don't want urban life. It's so tiring. Everyday, I wake up from my sleep, brushing my teeth,getting ready for school, chasing the bus. When I reach the school, everything remains the same. The routine goes the same. Friends were talking about the latest issues, but mine? They speak about their cca stuffs, they speak about what they are planning. Indeed, I shouldn't be interfering their cca stuffs, but, I felt being an outsider when they speak about their cca. I did not think too much as I know I shouldn't be interrupting their conversation. But, when she speaks on her work at mac, she discussed it with her. I felt being, really an outsider. And, many things they discussed secretly and didn't bother to tell me. I do wonder did they really regarded me as their friend. I didn't hide anything from them, and they hide everything between themselves and accusing me that I hide everything that's why they can't trust me hence they would sshare their secrets only between themselves. I truly never hide anything although they said they believe, but I just couldn't stop my suspicion. Everyday, they would study together and find chances to stay together like after school despite not having cca. I don't mind as our timings for dismissing are different, therefore I am alright with it. But , I realised because of the feeling of being an outsider, I am getting further and further away from them.... that's why I had that feeling of lonely. Despite having that feeling, I have to put up a strong front in front of everyone, I have to joke and act nothing happened... so that's my life on school.